By Mickey Dunaway | Reprinted with Permission by Currents Magazine | Nov 5, 2024| Cornelius, NC.

Whether you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day or not—and my wife and I don’t—you will be overwhelmed with commercial images with big red bows on them—from candy bars to cars—that are intended to tug at your heartstrings. 

At best, February’s love cannot know Autumn’s embrace— the spirit, the forgiving, the kindness that grows into an affection that, in the Autumn of our years, we finally recognize as a love only whose potential we could only have known in the springtime of our lives.

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Going whole-hog on Valentine’s—if that’s your thing—usually means a husband dutifully, if begrudgingly, fulfilling the wife’s chocolate expectations with a smile on the husband’s face. And the wife reciprocates with a big smile when the red-bowed gift is presented—as if she were shocked! It is a game. Unrelated to loving.

As a couple, if you decide this is the year to downplay this fake holiday, you will find there is perhaps more fun planning for a night at home with a favorite meal, a cuddle, a movie, and that unique brand of Autumn Love.

I have been in the Autumn of my life for some time now, so maybe I have some experiences from which I can draw some ideas about why Love in the Autumn of Life is so unique.

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There is no precise meaning for our Autumn Years. For me, it has been that time when tenderness surpasses passion, which is a good thing.

The Almighty has decided that my wife and I have a few things to accomplish in our seventh decade. For that simple thought, I am most grateful. Our health is good (according to the chart in the doctor’s office!), and so is our attitude most days. Those simple facts are the ingredients of a gentle celebration rather than a Wall Street-created fete. 

Let me give you an example of a gentle, loving celebration likely to take place on Valentine’s Day 2025 in our kitchen!

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An Unexpected Opportunity

Over the summer and fall, thanks to a local Farmer’s Market and mainly thanks to the Flying Fish Seafood fishmonger at the Farmers Market, we have significantly changed our diet and who cooks what thanks to many of our fishmonger’s suggestions varied offerings he has every week.  

In our we freezer we have: Flounder, Redfish, Vermillion Snapper, Red Tilefish, Blue Tilefish, Speckled Trout, Mahi-Mahi, Scallops, Shrimp, and Oysters—all from North Carolina waters and none are on the endangered species list. Those fresh fish are expensive or as our fishmonger says, “Cheap fish aren’t fresh and fresh fish aren’t cheap.” We have not gotten a single batch of his offerings that smelled fishy. Typically, we eat fish or other seafood three times a week. 

Last week we bought two pounds of Mahi-Mahi and two pounds of XL shrimp. Cost was $106 total.  But that is not the real cost. The two pounds of shrimp will yield 3-4 meals. The two pounds of Mahi-Mahi will yield four meals. So, eight meals equal a reasonable $6.65 per person per meal. Try getting Mahi-Mahi for that price in a restaurant! 

I volunteered to be the fish chef in our house. For most of our 56-year marriage, I fried the fish and other seafood. However, that was usually limited to largemouth and spotted bass, which I had caught in Lake Martin in Alabama and Lake Norman here in North Carolina, and redfish caught in Louisiana (called red drum in NC).

But, I had not cooked flounder, speckled sea trout, vermillion snapper, blue tilefish, red tilefish, or, the best, mahi-mahi. Those came from the Flying Fish Seafood with NC oysters, shrimp, and scallops. Also, I had one method of cooking fish—frying! If we had boiled shrimp, Sandy always cooked them. Don’t ask why. She just did!

The conversation about which fish we want to have tonight, how we want to cook it, and any healthy sides from the Farmer’s Market over a cup of coffee makes for a nice conversation and an opportunity for a gentle one. Since becoming a fish chef, I have experimented with cubed fried fish like I first sampled with Mahi-Mahi at Pounders Restaurant on the northeast side of Oahu—the best fish I had ever eaten. 

I have also added to my fishing cooking repertoire by learning to cook blackened fish —although flounder is our favorite. I just go easy of the hot pepper! It has been fun to get in the kitchen with Sandy and to share the cooking duties. The biggest plus besides learning something new about cooking fish has been the improvement in our diet and our health. Learning to love fresh fish as much as a ribeye did not take much when one has fresh fish.

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In my Autumn years, I have found with all whom I love—my wife especially—the depth of my love for them is greater than I could have imagined in the summer of my life. Simple things bring great joy. 

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