… with a final lesson from Mother

By Mickey Dunaway

Reprinted with Permission by Currents Magazine | JULY 2025| Cornelius, NC

I acknowledged my 78th birthday back in December, and I am elated to still be on the green side of the grass, thanks to the Almighty, so that I can explore my new hobby of fly fishing for trout in North Carolina’s mountain streams for several years to come before. I will face the final demarcation of this life and the next with dignity for myself and my friends and relatives. And let’s face it, that time is not THAT far away. 

I will also admit it; I greatly dislike funerals and all the accouterments that surround them.  Although I have attended a few funerals over the years and begged off going to more than I attended, there have been a few services that have positively stayed with me.

Mr. W.S. VanLandingham was my principal in my first year of teaching. Mr. Van suddenly passed away early in my second year.  He had no funeral or memorial or even words at the graveside. He was interred, and the entire event lasted 15 minutes, in total. Well done, Mr. Van.

My wife’s Uncle Coley and Aunt Mary vacationed with their preacher and his wife every summer, and his service was a series of funny stories about their adventures. It seems Uncle Coley’s cussing like a sailor made no difference to the reverend and his wife. Nice touch, Rev.

I have written about my father’s funeral in 1965 in these pages and the courage of his Black friend who came to pay respects. Daddy’s was a very traditional Southern Baptist funeral, and it is still in my psyche to this day. That is not what I remember most about my father. It was his gentle nature and the fishing and hunting trips and visits to Brewton to see relatives that are at the forefront of my memory—not his passing and funeral.

Lessons from Mama

My mother passed away in 2014, and the organization of the celebration of her life was totally different from my father’s. She had planned out every aspect of what my older brother and I were to do.  She had no church service, although she had been a faithful believer all her 92 years. There was a brief goodbye at the funeral home with only family present and a graveside service after she was transported 175 miles to be buried by my father (which she also had arranged so that we knew what to do). The graveside service was again about 15 minutes.  

Because she had made it very clear what she expected, anyone who knew my mother knew that we had better follow her directions—especially in these circumstances! What her planning did for our family was to allow us—to encourage us—to talk about the many good days of her life. And we did. 

Bottomline

My mother was a schoolteacher all her life, and in her passing, she was still teaching her family how to remember her.

That brings me to the objective for which this column was written. DO WHAT MY MOTHER DID! If you are over 50, find a well-respected funeral home and contact them to discuss planning your passing in a way that causes your closest relatives and friends the least amount of grief.  

Choosing Memories

Recently, my wife, Sandy, and I have talked many times about the need to plan our passing, but we finally took action and sat down with a knowledgeable end-of-life consultant to prepare for each of our lives individually. And we paid for all expenses before we left that day. We even got some points on our credit card!  

Removing Worries

At 78, there are many things to worry about. Will Russia start another war? Will there be a second pandemic? Will our 11-year-old Brittany, Boomer, outlive us? If not, do we get another dog? Will Auburn beat Alabama next year? You get the picture. By meeting with the end-of-life consultant, we have already controlled much of our future worrying by removing the biggest vexation from our future lives.

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And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? 

-The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran (1883 – 1931) | https://poets.org/poet/kahlil-gibran