I am in my seventh generation, and I have never been considered a person who was always with-it. 

I grew up a Southern Baptist, and I am not sure, but think it might have been a sin to be with-it. I am sure it was a sin with the Hardshell Baptists—the foot-washers. However, the Methodists seemed to be more with-it than us Baptists—MYF every Sunday and no Sunday night preaching. Don’t hold me to that. That’s just a reflection of a thirteen-year-old.

I think the most with-it of all must have been the Catholics. We Baptists were taught in Training Union never to date a Catholic because if we happened to get married, we would have to sign away our children to be raised in the cult of the Catholic Church. Does that not just scream With-It?

In high school, I was sort-of-with-it. I made the cuts and played basketball and baseball for three years, showered in a community shower after practice, and took a date to all the school dances. However, I was the Student Council President which had to knock some points of my With-It Card.  

After high school, I followed my brother to Auburn. Auburn University is a like no other. It is the kind of place that sends chills down one’s back on return visits. But, Auburn never experienced Woodstock or the Summer of Love. Those things just passed this conservative east Alabama piece of heaven by. During my years at Auburn, coeds could not wear pants uptown without a raincoat, and at 11:45 pm on the weekends, it was like a NASCAR race to get a date into the dorm doors by 11:59. And, by the way, all coeds lived in dorms. And the Dean of Women, Dr. Catherine Cater, was Cruella DeVille and the mother superior of the Auburn Women’s Dorms. She took no prisoners! No being With-It at Auburn.

And what did I do on graduating from Auburn? I lost a bunch of points on my With-It Card because I left the Loveliest Village on the Plains to teach school. At least I was teaching high school. And, I did add a point or two back since I was coaching and teaching. But then after a few years, I decided to try being a school principal. With that, they took away my With-It Card and shredded it!

As close to regaining my card came each year when my high school’s cheerleaders sang this song to me at a pep rally:

So, I trust you get the idea that I have never been with-it or gave a damn about not being with IT. However, I now have a question that requires being with-it to answer or having With-It friends.  

What is this reference I see all the time about calling stupid-acting white girls as Karens? Why is it not considered racist, sexist, or name-ist? Surely this is not politically correct. Is there a male version? A Black version? An Old-guy version?

Please. I need your help. I feel so very out of it. And I don’t have many years left to get With-It!